Shockingly, this is the first Beastie Boys song featured on this blog in the 13 years I’ve been posting daily. Not that I’m a big fan or anything, but it’s hard to believe they haven’t popped up on a Random Weekend before now, or that I didn’t find room for one of their hits.
The band’s 1986 debut, Licensed to Ill, was certainly a hit. It sold more than 10 million copies in the U.S. and became the first rap album in history to reach #1 on the Billboard 200. The first rap single to reach #1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 was Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice Ice Baby,’ meaning white dudes own both of those milestones. Go figure.
I never got into the Beastie Boys, but my high school friends were all over this album. ‘Fight For Your Right,’ ‘She’s Crafty,’ ‘No Sleep Till Brooklyn’ and ‘Brass Monkey’ were all staples in their rotation, while I was listening to R.E.M. and old Bob Dylan albums. At least we all agreed on Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin.
The juvenile rock-rap and lazy rhymes of this record sound a bit dated now, but you can recognize the influence it must have had on, say, Eminem.
The Beasties Boys went on to make much more interesting music on later albums (their 1992 release Check Your Head is my favorite), but they never topped the success of this one.
Brass Monkey – that funky monkey
Brass Monkey junkie
That funky monkey
Brass
[Verse 1]
Got this dance that’s more than real
Drink Brass Monkey, here’s how you feel
You put your left leg down, your right leg up
Tilt your head back, let’s finish the cup
M.C.A. with the bottle, D. rocks the can
Ad-Rock gets nice with Charlie Chan
We’re offered Moët, we don’t mind Chivas
Wherever we go, we bring the Monkey with us
Ad-Rock drinks three, Mike D. is D
Double R foots the bill most definitely
I drink Brass Monkey and I rock well
I got a castle in Brooklyn, that’s where I dwell
[Hook]
Brass Monkey- that funky monkey
Brass Monkey junkie
That funky Monkey
Brass
[Verse 2]
Because
‘Cause I drink it anytime and any place
When it’s time to get ill – I pour it on my face
Monkey tastes def when you pour it on ice
Come on, y’all, it’s time to get nice
Coolin’ by the lockers, getting kind of funky
Me and the crew, we’re drinking Brass Monkey
This girl walked by, she gave me the eye
I reached in the locker, grabbed the spanish fly
I put it in the Monkey, mixed it in a cup
Went over to the girl, “Yo baby, what’s up?”
I offered her a sip-sip, the girl she gave me lip-lip
It did begin, the stuff wore in and now she’s on my tip
[Hook]
Brass Monkey – that funky monkey
Brass Monkey junkie
That funky monkey
Brass
[Verse 3]
Step up to the bar, put the girl down
She takes a big gulp and slaps it around
You take a sip, you can do it, you get right to it
We had a case in the place and we went right through it
You got a dry martini, you thinking you’re cool
I’ll take your place at the bar, I smack you off your stool
I’ll down a 40 dog in a single gulp
And if you got beef, you’ll get beat to a pulp
Monkey and parties and reelin’ and rockin’
Def-def girls-girls, all y’all jockin’
The song and dance keeping you in a trance
If you don’t buy my record, I got my advance
I drink it, I think it, I see it, I be it
I love Brass Monkey but I don’t give D it
We got the bottle, you got the cup
Come on everybody let’s get ffffff
[Hook]
Brass Monkey – that funky monkey
Brass Monkey junkie
That funky monkey
Brass Monkey – that funky monkey
Brass Monkey junkie
That funky monkey
Brass Monkey
Meet Me In Montauk 
I know they are critically lauded, but I never cared much for their sound. “Brass Monkey” has always particularly irritated me for some reason.