Randy Newman is such a brilliant satirist that it’s probably safe to say that any “bad” song he’s ever written was bad on purpose.
I suspect that is exactly the case with ‘Masterman and Baby J,’ his stab at a rap anthem. He had to mean this as a parody of some sort. And yet I don’t think that really matters… it’s still embarrassing.
The thing is, this isn’t a particularly good rap parody. It sounds like what it is… an old white guy trying to write a rap song. Rap is ripe for parody, but it takes somebody who understands the genre to puncture it.
To be fair, this song was released in the late 80s, when rap was far less sophisticated. But it wasn’t all ‘Rapper’s Delight.’ Public Enemy released their seminal album It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back in 1988. ‘Masterman and Baby J’ is a world away from that record — less a parody than a joke.
Always talkin’ ’bout how I got dynamite in every hand
Hit it
Me and my brother we live alone got no television got no telephone
But when we walk down the street people get out of the way
They say “Here come the Masterman and Baby J”
“Here come the Masterman and Baby J”
Hit it hit it
When we get on the mike we’ll be number one
Even top D.M.C. and Run
Everybody’s really gonna have some fun
Cause we’re takin’ ’em all the way down
We’re takin’ ’em all the way down
Gonna rap about this, gonna rap about that
Gonna tell everybody where it’s at
All over the world people gonna say
You got to dig the Masterman and Baby J
You got to dig the Masterman and Baby J
Hit it
People tell me “Man you live in a dump”
“You won’t never be nothin’ but a pumped-up chump”
You got no money, you got no sense
You won’t never be nothing, you won’t ever be nothing
I say well-well-well-well
When I look out my window, you know what I see
I don’t see no whores in the stinkin’ street
I don’t see no drunks and junkies dying
I don’t see no bums or garbage flyin’
I see me and J in the L.A. Coliseum
A hundred thousand people on their feet
And they’re laughin’ and bumpin’ and screamin’ and cryin’
And jumpin’ up on their seat
And then the band begins to play and then they hush up
And then the band begins to play and then they hush up
And it gets real quiet in the Coliseum with the stage all dark and bare
Maybe a little rain begins to fall–yeah
But the people stayin’ right there
Then you can hear that announcer say
Please welcome! (the crowd roars)
Please welcome! (the crowd roars)
L.A.’s own, the number one
The biggest, the best, the number one bad in the USA
The Masterman and Baby J!
The Masterman and Baby J!
Meet Me In Montauk 
I disagree that this is an inadvertently bad song. I think it is purposely bad and clearly written not only as parody, but a stinging indictment of the direction of the music industry in the 80’s. Now, is it annoying? Yes, but intentionally so, just as Newman’s satirical foray and simultaneous condemnation of electronica was on display on Trouble in Paradise’s “Mikey’s.”
To make the rap better would have weakened the parody and made it less humorous and less ironic. While Public Enemy may have released a better quality rap album in the 80’s’, their music was not dominating popular radio the way MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This” or vanilla Ice’s “Ice, Ice Baby” was. And certainly Newman must have been confounded when , in what have should have been the prime of his commercial success, his songs were not getting much airplay and he was playing in small venues while some 18 year old kids who couldn’t sing, couldn’t play an instrument and often times couldn’t even rap well were selling out arenas.
Skip the track if it annoys you, but to call it bad in the same way that “Cars are Cars” is bad is a mistake.
It certainly has been a very interesting topic, and much fun to follow. I have two songs I would add to the list, and oddly they come from the same artist.
I don’t think anyone would argue when it comes to a most impressive body of work and remarkable consistency, Bruce Springsteen would certainly top the list, or at the very least be in the top 3.
But can someone explain “Outlaw Pete” and “Queen of the Supermarket”? Shockingly awful songs from an otherwise strong album.
I won’t defend ‘Outlaw Pete’ (I can give or take it) but I disagree about ‘Queen of the Supermarket.’ I love that song!
In fact, I sang its praises in an earlier Song of the Day post.
I’m confused by this post and by the comments below it. This song is in NO WAY a parody of rap, nor does it have anything to do with the music business. Newman is simply telling other white people, who were dismissive and scared of rap, that he gets it. That for young black people who otherwise have nothing and see no way out of crappy situations, rap provided them a way to speak and be heard and empowered.
I mean, it’s RIGHT THERE.
“People tell me “Man you live in a dump”
“You won’t never be nothin’ but a pumped-up chump”
You got no money, you got no sense
You won’t never be nothing, you won’t ever be nothing
I say well-well-well-well
When I look out my window, you know what I see
I don’t see no whores in the stinkin’ street
I don’t see no drunks and junkies dying
I don’t see no bums or garbage flyin’
I see me and J in the L.A. Coliseum”