Continuing my ranked list of the songs on Taylor Swift’s The Life of a Showgirl…
#6. ‘Wood’
I wish I could go back in time three years and place a bet that Taylor Swift would soon write a song about Travis Kelce’s penis. I imagine those long odds would have made me a rich man. But here we are… with a cornucopia of double entendres set to a groove that’s alarmingly similar to The Jackson Five’s ‘I Want You Back.’ Certainly much of the credit is due to that Motown classic (lawsuit incoming?), but this is a banger of a track regardless.
It’s also another reason why Kelce, he of the “redwood tree,” “magic wand,” and “key that opened [Taylor’s] thighs,” is this album’s biggest fan.
#5. ‘Wi$h Li$t’
The Travis love continues on this song, which finds Swift painting a picture of marital bliss that includes kids running around in a driveway complete with a basketball hoop. Some Swifties have been alarmed by how fully Taylor is embracing this traditional role.
I’d counter by saying, a) there’s nothing wrong with getting married and having kids, and b) Swift is too savvy a musical artist and marketer to ever trade her empire for a spot on the PTA. The tradwife thing is an era like all the others, and she’ll make vital music even after she settles down. Consider that Folklore and Evermore, two of her best albums, were written during a long-term relationship and displayed her gift for storytelling about something other than her love life.
#4. ‘Elizabeth Taylor’
This bop finds Swift painting a picture of luxury and excess but insisting it all means nothing without true love. She name drops Elizabeth Taylor, the iconic actress who had her share of failed romances (would Kelce be husband #7 for Taylor if she’d been quicker to the altar with the rest?).
This is one of the slickest and best-produced songs on the album, a reach back to the pop greatness of 1989.
Elizabeth Taylor
Do you think it’s forever?[Verse 1]
That view of Portofino was on my mind when you called me at the Plaza Athénée
Ooh-ooh, oftentimes it doesn’t feel so glamorous to be me
All the right guys promised they’d stay
Under bright lights, they withered away
But you bloom
Portofino was on my mind (And I think you know why)[Pre-Chorus]
And if your letters ever said, “Goodbye”
[Chorus]
I’d cry my eyes violet, Elizabeth Taylor
Tell me for real, do you think it’s forever?
Been number one, but I never had two
And I can’t have fun if I can’t have— (Uh)
Be my NY whеn Hollywood hates me
You’re only as hot as your last hit, baby
Been numbеr one, but I never had two
And I can’t have fun if I can’t have you
[Verse 2]
Hey-ey, what could you possibly get for the girl who has everything and nothing all at once?
Babe, I would trade the Cartier for someone to trust (Just kidding)
We hit the best booth at Musso and Frank’s
They say I’m bad news, I just say, “Thanks”
And you
Look at me like you’re hypnotized, and I think you know why
[Pre-Chorus]
And if you ever leave me high and dry
[Chorus]
I’d cry my eyes violet, Elizabeth Taylor
Tell me for real, do you think it’s forever?
Been number one, but I never had two
And I can’t have fun if I can’t have— (Uh)
Be my NY when Hollywood hates me
You’re only as hot as your last hit, baby
Been number one, but I never had two
And I can’t have fun if I can’t have (Uh) you
[Post-Chorus]
Elizabeth Taylor (Oh)
Do you think it’s forever? (Oh)
If I can’t have you
[Bridge]
(Ah) All my white diamonds and lovers are forever
(Ah) In the papers, on the screen, and in their minds
(Ah) All my white diamonds and lovers are forever
(Ah) Don’t you ever end up anything but mine
[Chorus]
I’d cry my eyes violet, Elizabeth Taylor
Tell me for real, do you think it’s forever?
Been number one, but I never had two
And I can’t have fun if I can’t have— (You)
Be my NY when Hollywood hates me
You’re only as hot as your last hit, baby
Been number one, but I never had two
And I can’t have fun if I can’t have— (You)
[Outro]
All my white diamonds and lovers are forever (Elizabeth Taylor)
(Do you think it’s forever?) In the papers, on the screen, and in their minds
All my white diamonds and lovers are forever
Don’t you ever end up anything but mine, oh
Meet Me In Montauk 
“Tradwife” is a new term to me. I can always count on you to keep me apprised of the younger generation’s social media lingo.