Continuing my ranking of the songs on Miranda Lambert’s new album, Postcards from Texas…
#12. ‘Armadillo’
My next two song selections are the album’s only humorous tracks, tunes meant to lighten the mood on an otherwise emotionally messy album.
Album opener ‘Armadillo’ spins the tale of the singer being carjacked by a stoned armadillo on the run from the law, with the chorus ending in a great punchline: “And I know it sounds crazy, but please believe me, baby, I swear that’s where I was last night.”
This is a two-minute romp designed to kickstart the album with a wink, but it manages to get in some great musicianship from Lambert’s talented backing band, including a downshift in tempo for the second verse.
#11. ‘Alimony’
Lambert says she came up with this song because the album, recorded in her native Texas, needed a “shuffle.” Here, an entire kiss-off song is built around the central joke, stretching the phrase “remember the Alamo” into “remember the alimo-ny.”
The line “freedom don’t come free” shows up in the second verse, a cheeky way of needling her soon-to-be ex. The same phrase will show up in a song much later in this countdown in a very different context.
Without that ’57 Cadillac
And that mini mansion in a cul-de-sac
That 15-gallon Stetson hat
That you wear all the time
And those real expensive rounds of golf
And this diamond you’re still payin’ off
Just know as soon as you get caught
They’ll all be good as mine
[Chorus]
I called that lawyer up in Dallas
The one who’s livin’ in that palace
So I know he’s good at winnin’
If you think there’s somethin’ that you’re missin’
If you start steppin’ out
Only one thing can console me
If you’re gonna leave me in San Antone
Remember the alimony
[Verse 2]
If you like livin’ at your mama’s house
And drinkin’ Milwaukee’s best on a hand-me-down couch
And you’rе gonna love how this all works out
‘Cause it all works out for me
What’s minе is mine, and what’s yours is mine
So go on, baby, have a real good time
I’ll be countin’ the dollars, you’ll be rollin’ the dimes
Freedom don’t come free
[Chorus]
‘Cause I called that lawyer up in Dallas
The one who’s livin’ in that palace
So I know he’s good at winnin’
If you think there’s somethin’ that you’re missin’
If you start steppin’ out
Only one thing can console me
If you’re gonna leave me in San Antone
Remember the alimony
[Bridge]
For richer, not for poorer
Well, consider this your spoiler
If you think you can’t afford her
Well, you can’t afford me too
[Chorus]
So if you start steppin’ out
Only one thing can console me
If you’re gonna leave me in San Antone
Well, remember the alimony
[Outro]
You ain’t gonna have a row to hoe
Go on and do your dog and pony show
If you’re gonna be a dumbass
Honey, I hope you remember the alimony
Meet Me In Montauk 
Clever song.