Song of the Day #1,928: ‘Chinese Food’ – Alison Gold

alison_gold_chinese_foodThis time, it’s pretty clear Patrice Wilson is in on the joke.

Wilson, co-founder of ARK Music Factory and writer of Rebecca Black’s infamous ‘Friday,’ has released a new song destined for viral infamy. This one is called ‘Chinese Food’ and it’s performed by another blandly anonymous pre-teen, Alison Gold.

The music and lyrics of this song are as inane as those of ‘Friday’ but it’s the video that reveals Wilson’s true intentions. Packed with bizarre non sequiturs such as a monopoly-playing man in a panda suit and nonsense subtitles in a dozen languages, this video is designed to be picked apart, laughed at and (most important) shared.

‘Friday’ was a ridiculous song, no doubt, but its video was pretty straight forward. I don’t think Wilson expected it to take off the way it did — in any direction. But once it became a viral laughing stock, he saw an opportunity.

As I write this, ‘Chinese Food’ has been on the Web for less than 48 hours and has already amassed more than 6 million views. Will it reach the 59 million views ‘Friday’ has received anytime soon? It just might. And if you add up the pennies each of those pre-roll ads earns for Wilson, he starts to look like a genius.

Is he earning that money at the expense of young girls who paid him for a chance to be famous? Absolutely. Black was the victim of some vicious cyber-bullying during her 15 minutes, though she seems to have emerged in relatively good shape, and now has a popular YouTube channel.

Anyway, I’m happy to play into Wilson’s hands by sharing this video with my own meager audience. He may be singularly untalented musically and lyrically, but he’s quite the showman — a mdoern-day P.T. Barnum. And “the panda will fly away on a rainbow” is the best laugh I’ve had in awhile.

[Verse 1]
After balling, I go clubbing
Then I’m hugging
Then I’m hungry and I’m walking on the street
And I’m getting getting getting getting grumpy grumpy

I see Chow, by my right
I smell food in the air
It’s Chinese Food, my favorite
So I’m getting getting getting getting hungry

[Chorus x2]
I love Chinese food (Yeah)
You know that it’s true (Yeah)
I love fried rice (Yeah)
I love noodles (Yeah)
I love Chow mein
Chow Mo-Mo-Mo-Mo Mein

[Verse 2]
Read the menu
They got broccoli
Even chicken wings
Make it spicy
And you like it
Cause it’s beautiful
And it tastes so so so good

I like their egg rolls
And their wonton soup
This makes me feel so so good
Fortune cookies, tell my future
Chinese Chinese Food

[Chorus x2]

[Patrice Wilson]
Yo!
I like Chinese food
And some Wonton soup
Get me broccoli
While I play Monopoly
Don’t be a busy bee
Cause it’s your fantasy
To eat Chinese food
Egg roll and Chop Suey
I use the chopsticks
To eat pot sticks
Put some hot sauce and sweet and sour make it sweet
Because Chinese food takes away my stress
Now I’m going to go eat Panda Express

[Chorus x2]

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2 thoughts on “Song of the Day #1,928: ‘Chinese Food’ – Alison Gold

  1. Dana says:

    Right now, I’m just praying that this insipid tune doesn’t get stuck in my mind all day, if not longer, but somehow I suspect it will be.

    Meanwhile, how long will it take Panda Express to buy the rights to this song for its commercials?

  2. The Cool Guy (Daniel) says:

    This is just horrible… Friday wasn’t as bad as this, because it had a reasonable topic even if the lyrics were bad… I’m not sure if that was supposed to be bad, but this definitely is… If this writer’s goal is taking unknown singers and making them have people comment how horrible they are, than he has accomplished that…

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